ElisaE

September 5th, 1850, Texas

Dear Hildegunn

Your letter reached me yesterday, as I was sweeping the door still. It filled my eyes with tears to read your kind words. I’m pleased to hear that you in Norway are all fine, and that little Ole is growing so fast. I’m not doing badly either, yet, I’m still wondering how it comes I’m still alive. I thought my last minutes had come as I saw the ship and all the passengers. I’m sure you remember. Well, the ship reached America with many complications. But I don’t want to tell you more about the journey to my new home. It was the worst experience of my life. I just want to forget it. I hope you will understand.

As you already know, my husbands name is Robert. He is a wonderful man. I know that I made the right choice when I picked him. Only in the beginning it was a little... let’s say complicated. But of course I knew this when I set off to this new life. Anyway, as I stepped out of the train, I saw a lot of men, but no one looked like “my man” on the photograph. I must admit, some seconds I wondered whether this man didn’t want me anymore. Maybe he had found another girl, one from America. Of course this had been easier for him. For him too, it must be quite a challenge to marry a stranger. But then a tall, blonde man talked to me. Oh, I remember how fast my heart was beating at that moment. He looked just a little older than on the photograph, but even more friendly. I’m sure you would have liked him.

I love to talk with Robert in the evening. He’s such a patient and funny man. You remember how long we talked about this when I was still in Norway? How hard it would be to communicate with this stranger. But oddly enough, this was the smallest problem. I’m proud to say that I learn the American language quickly. Even though, Robert often laughs of me and my Norwegian accent. I don’t want to think about what I had done without him. I have nobody here. And I miss you all so much it hurts.

But although I love Robert, I can’t get used to the view I get when I step outside our house. It is so flat and dull. I miss those majestic mountains and Fjords. Robert can’t understand why I’m missing something like a valley. But he has no idea. He has never seen what we’ve grown up with. Please, sister, enjoy the Norway’s nature, do it for me. You’ve no idea how I envy you for breathing the fresh, cold mountain air. Maybe I will get used to it, like I'm starting to get used to the sun shining brightly all day.

Sometimes, when he’s asleep I wonder how my life would be if I was still in Norway. What would it be like if I hadn’t answered this advertisement in the newspaper? What would I do right now if I were no picture bride, but a simple and normal bride? I would probably be married now. But it wouldn’t be a happy marriage. You know, that’s why I decided to start this adventure. There were no men I could have loved at home. I’m one of very few picture brides who decided this on their own. The most other girls I talked to were forced to go. Their families had no money.I know how lucky I was. And I hope I will never have to regret what I did.

I guess you wonder whether I would do this huge step again. But I wouldn’t know what to answer. I’m simply not sure. America isn’t what I thought it would be. It isn’t perfect at all. It got poor, sick and cruel people, just like every other country. And the language and food are completely different from what everything I know. But it could have been much worse. In addition, every day is exiting. Robert shows me new things every day. This isn’t the American dream, but no nightmare neither.

I will read your letter again and again/over and over, it will give me the strength I need to keep holding on.Give all my loving to mother, father, Ole and also the rest of the village. I miss you all.

Love, Elisa

October 14th, 1864

Dear mom

I write to you in hope that you’re fine. In your last letter you didn’t sound very cheerful. Well, since we’re in war it shouldn’t surprise me. Usually you try to cheer me up. In your latest letter, which is lying in front of me now, it’s not like this. I know that you want me to come back as soon as possible. And I can tell that there is nothing in this world I want more than this war to end. It feels like such a waste of lives. I hope that the war will end within this year. That’s my only wish for Christmas. I think there’s a chance that my wish could become reality too. Even though, I’m far from sure about anything at this point. Still, people are whispering about the North’s victory. But I will come back to this later in my letter. There are other things I have to tell you about first.

I am not injured. But I have to tell you the sad news about John. He was shot and died two weeks ago. I know that you’ve never seen him, but maybe you remember me telling you about him in my last letter? He’d become one of my best friends during this horrible war. His death is a terrible loss for me, and it made me see the craziness of it all. A young man dies, without meaning. Well, yes, we fight for our country, but why can’t we do it like civilized people? Why can’t we find another way to solve the problems but violence? //We are no cavemen anymore; we don’t have to kill each other.// But although thinking about him hurts, I am frightened to see how fast I accepted John’s death. It is like I have become more cold and hard-hearted. I am scared of what this war can do to people, and I really do not know what to do if it’s is eating away my soul like this.

I really wished that we could all get along instead of hating each other. We all live in the same country. We are all Americans. I have been thinking a lot about this during the last months. Now I know that war never can lead to anything good! Besides, we are not even fighting another country! We are fighting ourselves. I understand that the South is afraid of the big changes we want, but they will have to understand that the color of somebody’s skin does not make a person less worth. That is wrong. We have to accept and respect one another. It is written in the Bible that we should not judge. Well, why do all these good Christian people judge other human beings just because they don’t look exactly like themselves? It doesn’t make any sense to me at all.

You asked me whether I knew what was going on right now. Well, I don’t know. I don’t know who is going to win this war. But I mentioned what more and more people think. It looks like we have become predominant. Our troops are pushing the //Southern troops// backwards. We are fighting in their land. The mood of the soldiers has started to become better. But of course we are not happy. Everyone is tired of fighting. We have all lost people we knew and loved. It really is not as honorable as we were told it would be.

The whole war was not what I expected it to be. I thought that fighting in the war would make you and Liz proud of me. I thought we were doing a good thing, fighting against slavery. I wanted to be a good and brave soldier. Well, I do not think like this anymore. What we are expected to do here is not brave! It is nothing but madness. We are killing hundreds of people. The first time I shot a person I felt really sick afterwards. It is not just to shoot as I thought, it is much harder. Though, I have started to get used to killing people. You have to if you want to survive here. This sounds horrible. As I told you, I think I have changed. But I am not sure. Oh, mother, I do not know what to do.

I have been thinking a lot about what I am going to do when this war ends. I think I want to go into politics. I will do everything I can to stop things like this from ever happening again. But it is also tempting to establish a small, nice farm with Liz, Barry and some more children. I want to live as calm as possible. But those things are only dreams, nothing more. Besides, first I have to come out of this alive.

Well, I have to end this letter now. I hope I will see you soon. I also hope Liz is fine. I am writing to her as often as I can. But please, look after her. Even though you are far away from the dangerous places, it has to be tough for her to be alone with the child. Of course she is not alone, you are with her, but I know she is really missing me.

In hope to see you soon, Love, Ron