VanjaI

Oktober 20, 1856, Texas


 * Dear Mother**

Last night I dreamt about you and me, and that we were united again. Everything was just so perfect, until I woke up and realised it was all just a dream. I spent the rest of the night crying because I couldn’t stop the tears from running. Oh, mother you don’t know how much I miss you and everyone at home. Just thinking of the warm touch of your hand and you gentle voice makes my hearth go warm. I still carry around the longed-for letter I received from you a week ago; it makes me feel closer to you. I never knew the meaning of truly missing someone until this day. It hurts somewhere deep inside when I try to imagine the distance between us. I’m truly sorry for not writing to you sooner, but there has been so much going on that I simply hadn’t time to sit down and write you a proper letter.

I survived the journey over the Atlantic, even though I sometimes thought we weren’t going to make it all over to America. The wind blew like I’ve never felt it blow before. The stiff breeze, that followed us all the way to Manhattan, made my stomach sick of pain and anxiety. There were times that I believed God had forgotten about us or stopped listening to our prayers, but I turned out to be wrong. We finally arrived at Isle of Tears after two painful weeks at the ship. Most of the people travelling with me were other young picture brides from Scandinavia and Ireland. I met a girl, Anna, I never will forget. Her only way to survive was to become a picture bride. Still, never have I seen a smarter, more caring and positive creature than she. She showed me courage when I needed it the most and made me realise that hope was an important quality. In many ways she was just like a young replacement of you mother, that’s why I bonded so strong to her. The pain in my stomach, which sometimes felt like a stone, didn’t exactly go away by arriving America. The first thing that met us was selections over who was suited to stay and who wasn’t. I can not imagine how the poor girls that were sent all the way back home must have felt. Probably knowing that their last hope for a better live stayed back in America, as the ship turned back home. Suddenly the American Dream felt so far away from us. But my journey was not over. In front of me I had a five-day long train trip to the South and a little picture of a man I didn’t know anything about. Imagine the chaos inside me!

As I had a long train-journey, it gave me a lot of time to reflect upon the situation and the emotions running inside me. At times I really didn’t understand what went through my mind when I stepped on the ship and started a new chapter heading for the big and unknown. How could I leave the only place I felt secure in? And how could I leave you guys? But as I travelled deeper and deeper inside the country I realised it was for the best. I’m now sure that if I had stayed at home I wouldn’t have had the same opportunities I have today. I mostly spent my time at the train getting an impression of the American landscape. Green mountains, deep woods, fjords and all the rest of the great beauties I had left at home seemed to have stayed there and nowhere else. Mother, you do not realise what a powerful nature Norway has. Next time you look out towards the fjord, or go in the mountain, please stop up, think of me and remember my words. We are mostly filled with a lot of empty space around us, and green is not exactly a dominant colour anymore.

James is my husband’s name. Luckily I’m extremely satisfied with him, as he turned out to be neither old nor bad-tempered. Although he is a decent and serious man, we have fond a tone filled with humour and joking. Even though he is not exactly the man of my dreams, I’m very happy to have him as my closest friend here. I’m also quite sure of that both you and father would have liked him, as he is a strong, smart and working man. We have a big ranch that is doing very well at this time, but we are expecting a downtime period soon, so we have to work as much as we can before it comes. At the end of the day I’m mostly exhausted, especially at days with high and strong sun. I have to admit that I do miss some girly company at times. I think it would have been good for my language too, which by the way is improving every day according to James.

The last months my life has changed totally, but not for the worse. I’m quite satisfied with the life in America. Running a whole ranch is not easy, but we manage well. James has also had a lot of patience with me, which I’m very grateful of. At first sight I thought the bare plains and yellowish landscape, surrounding me__,__ seemed depressing. Now my eyes find it rather interesting. I want you to know that I’m happy, even though none of us imagined this life for me as I was growing up.

A sad feeling came over me when I realised that I’m not able to see my sister’s first born. I’m glad the birth went well and that Maria and her son are fine. I hope that the clothes I’m sending with this letter will fit. In not so long you will probably be a proud grandmother of two, because James and I are actually thinking of getting a baby soon. I’m __much__ exited about this.

Not a single day goes by without me thinking of you and the rest of the family. I miss you incredibly much, and words can’t describe the sadness in me, knowing that we’re so far away from each other. But as Anna learned me, hope is a gift. I know that the day where we will be together again will come some time in the future. Until then, we’ll manage with letters. Take care of yourself and father, and promise me that you’ll not cry too many tears thinking of me.

Your loving daughter, Inga

--

August the 8th, 1863


 * Dear Robert**

I finally received you longed-for letter yesterday. You can’t imagine the way my hearth jumped of joy when I opened it up and recognized your handwriting. It was an incredible relief to read that you and the rest of your troop are fine. The stone in my stomach get’s a little smaller when I know that you are in safety, at least for this time.

At home we generally hear little about the war, and the things we hear are not exactly good news. To sit at home without any information, just imagination is terrible. I have to admit that the thought of all the soldiers and weapons out there, does not make me feel safe. Two weeks ago the Jefferson family in town got their son home, in a coffin. He was only eighteen years! I can stand the thought of having to go through something like that, even if I know that there is a chance of it happening.

Life at the farm is busy, and it’s not exactly easier without you here. But I’m very lucky to have Brian here to help me. You should be proud of your little brother. It’s a lot to do in the fields now, and even though you don’t want me to work too much out there, I have to. We can’t afford anything else right now. Last night one of the cows got a new calf. It was a hard delivery, but in the end they both made it.

Lilly is a gorgeous baby, and luckily she is growing for each day that goes by. You should really have been here last week when she gave us her first real smile. I have never seen something more beautiful than the face she made when she tasted chocolate for the first time. She’s started mumbling words and she is actually already saying “mum”. I’m trying to teach her to say “daddy” too, but that is a bit harder it seems. Hopefully she will be able to say it before you return back home.

Not a single day goes by without me thinking of you. I would do anything to get you home again. You don’t know how much I miss you, my heart trembles at the thought of the distance between us. I miss your strong hands, gentle voice and positive creature. It’s hard knowing you’re so far away from me, and in a war we don’t know the end of. I wish you could come home now, so that we all could be a family again, and that everything would be just the way it was before. Every night I pray to God for that he will bring you back home **soon,** in a good condition.

Robert, there is something I need you to know even though I know you will take it hard. The last weeks your mother’s illness has become worse, and she is really ill. At the time she is in bed all the time, and she doesn’t have much strength left. The doctor was here last week and told us that she probably has one month left. I’m so sorry having to bring this message to you this way. I hope you return back home in time, so that you can say goodbye.

You’re in my heart and mind all the time, but please make sure that you also will be by my side again. Be careful out there and try not to get injured. While you’re still out there defending your country, I and Lilly will be waiting in excitement to see you again. Please come home soon!

Your loving wife, Jane